Want a pet? Choose a chair!

Thinking of keeping a four-legged friend? Skip the cats and the dogs; Choose a chair!

Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

(This article is intended to be a joke.)

Wanna get a dog for emotional support? Ditch that idea and choose a chair! Chairs are really supportive (often up to 300 lbs). A cat or a dog would need your hugs; a chair hugs you. Plus, to register a dog as a service animal, you’ll have to complete paperwork. On the other hand, no paperwork is required to take your chair to office. Why bother?

Toe beans. Photo by Lukasz Szmigiel on Unsplash.

Miss the toe beans on kittens? Who needs those if your pet’s got wheels! “Apparently you’ve never flipped over a kitten and squeezed a toe bean”, I hear you say. Well, apparently you’ve never flipped over your office chair and rolled those wheels! You’ll love it; I promise.

Can you suppress the impulse to sit on the chair and roll away? Photo by Laura Davidson on Unsplash.
Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels

Enjoy dressing up your cat/dog over Halloween? Stop pretending you’ve never put clothes on your chair! You decorate your seat much more often than you do with any living animal (unless you have a toddler). It is more environmentally friendly, too: You always share your wardrobe with your chair, but you’d never fit in that costume you bought for your kittens.

Chairs are also the trend during the COVID-19 era. Since the working-from-home era has begun, office chairs have grown 75% in sales in the US (data from 2020). Meanwhile, only 10% of Americans surveyed are considering getting pets that breathe (data from 2020). The math is simple.

Want variety in the species of your pet? There are definitely more types of chairs than there are breeds of cats and dogs. Are you a sit-down person? Pick a throne that doesn’t have wheels! Consider yourself an athlete? Nothing stops you from leashing your chair and go jogging together! Plastic or memory foam, adjustable lumbar or head support, aluminum-framed or wood-based… You name it!

Supportive, fun to play with, decoratable, trendy, and plenty in options — Isn’t a chair the best pet you can ever keep? Give these adorable furnitures a chance!

Let me wrap it up with some cheesy slogans:

Adopt a chair, breathe some new air; Child with a chair, family’s favorite heir.

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Tech writer with creative analogies. Website: https://myli.page | Donate: https://ko-fi.com/mingyli

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